Holy Saturday 2022 - Whom Seekest Thou: Restorative Easter Reflections

Saturday, April 16, 2022

 




Saturday Psalm


I’m less certain

That Jesus had to die

Than I used to be.


All the art I’ve seen

of Jesus on Easter morning

Has him looking like


A lead actor 

Emerging from the tomb

To Center stage


with lines to Mary like

Behold baby, 

I’m what you’re looking for.


Growing up, my idea of Jesus

Was some kind of superhero

Who was nice enough


To give up everything

So the rest of us

Make it in the end.


But like I said,

I’m less certain

Than I used to be.


Isn’t that just the world’s 

saddest ending? Die 

So everyone else can be comfortable?


As if Jesus didn’t want

Or didn’t deserve

Another night with Mary,


Another shoreline sunrise,

More wedding dances in Cana?

Was his bucket list already full


At thirty three?

I feel bad for Jesus.

I have so many questions.


Jesus, where does it hurt?

Do you want a cup of tea?

You don’t have to be brave here.


Your secret is safe with me.

Have you ever tried 

Chocolate eclairs?


They’re my favorite dessert.

I can make one for you

If you’d like.


I heard you enjoy stories -

If you want I can

tell you about mine:


Tell you about how

I was told I had to

Be a good girl


And get married

To a nice boy

And have a baby


Before I was twenty-three.

I didn’t know

To want anything else.


You know what that’s like, right?

Did you ever feel like you “had to,”

And didn’t get a choice?


What it was like to be told

To be something

But instead you were unexpected?


Do you ever wish

Things were different?

I do.


I wish

I had finished school

I wish


I had waited a little longer

I wish

I was kinder and patient like you.


I wish someone had told me

Loving a woman

Was a good thing


I wish

I knew about this

part of me earlier 


I wish life was safer

For me and my friends 

I wish


I didn’t have to choose a side

I wish I could trust people better

And let myself be held


I wish more people

Liked rainbows

I wish people


Didn’t find me

Intimidating

I wish


You didn’t have to die Jesus

Because it actually

Has made my life harder.


When people say things like

I dont understand 

what you're going through


But Jesus does, and

That doesn't make me feel

any better because


No offense Jesus but

You're not here anymore

And it feels lonely in a world


Where being bi

Is only fine

As long as I don't act


On the bad half.

Where the men in my life seem

To Get everything they want


Yet I am schooled in the art 

of hunger; I know only

To disparage my own cavernous need.


Is it fair that our favorite

story about love

Ends with a body stinking in a tomb?


Does love require

everyone die at the end?

Don’t give me answers, Jesus.


Only, hold my hand.

Come away with me.

This must be the place -


The here, the now

This salty earth

You spoke about.


Listen to how the sea waves

Say stay with me my beloved

Listen


When the mourning dove sings

You belong look

how the sun hits the falling rain


Just right taste my tears

On your lips

I’ve laced my hair


With lavender and asphodel

Come back

Stay here


There are so many

Who need you 

still.


...
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