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Saturday Psalm
I’m less certain
That Jesus had to die
Than I used to be.
All the art I’ve seen
of Jesus on Easter morning
Has him looking like
A lead actor
Emerging from the tomb
To Center stage
with lines to Mary like
Behold baby,
I’m what you’re looking for.
Growing up, my idea of Jesus
Was some kind of superhero
Who was nice enough
To give up everything
So the rest of us
Make it in the end.
But like I said,
I’m less certain
Than I used to be.
Isn’t that just the world’s
saddest ending? Die
So everyone else can be comfortable?
As if Jesus didn’t want
Or didn’t deserve
Another night with Mary,
Another shoreline sunrise,
More wedding dances in Cana?
Was his bucket list already full
At thirty three?
I feel bad for Jesus.
I have so many questions.
Jesus, where does it hurt?
Do you want a cup of tea?
You don’t have to be brave here.
Your secret is safe with me.
Have you ever tried
Chocolate eclairs?
They’re my favorite dessert.
I can make one for you
If you’d like.
I heard you enjoy stories -
If you want I can
tell you about mine:
Tell you about how
I was told I had to
Be a good girl
And get married
To a nice boy
And have a baby
Before I was twenty-three.
I didn’t know
To want anything else.
You know what that’s like, right?
Did you ever feel like you “had to,”
And didn’t get a choice?
What it was like to be told
To be something
But instead you were unexpected?
Do you ever wish
Things were different?
I do.
I wish
I had finished school
I wish
I had waited a little longer
I wish
I was kinder and patient like you.
I wish someone had told me
Loving a woman
Was a good thing
I wish
I knew about this
part of me earlier
I wish life was safer
For me and my friends
I wish
I didn’t have to choose a side
I wish I could trust people better
And let myself be held
I wish more people
Liked rainbows
I wish people
Didn’t find me
Intimidating
I wish
You didn’t have to die Jesus
Because it actually
Has made my life harder.
When people say things like
I dont understand
what you're going through
But Jesus does, and
That doesn't make me feel
any better because
No offense Jesus but
You're not here anymore
And it feels lonely in a world
Where being bi
Is only fine
As long as I don't act
On the bad half.
Where the men in my life seem
To Get everything they want
Yet I am schooled in the art
of hunger; I know only
To disparage my own cavernous need.
Is it fair that our favorite
story about love
Ends with a body stinking in a tomb?
Does love require
everyone die at the end?
Don’t give me answers, Jesus.
Only, hold my hand.
Come away with me.
This must be the place -
The here, the now
This salty earth
You spoke about.
Listen to how the sea waves
Say stay with me my beloved
Listen
When the mourning dove sings
You belong look
how the sun hits the falling rain
Just right taste my tears
On your lips
I’ve laced my hair
With lavender and asphodel
Come back
Stay here
There are so many
Who need you
still.
